First published on the New English Review Photo credit of CPR news Never (Can) Forget: Year 23  Time: Traveling  If you want to talk about it, it’s because you want to repeat it. Is it because I’ve talked about it that it’s repeated? Another lap around the track at the center of hell. By ‘it,’ I mean Columbine, and by ‘it’s, I mean mass shootings. I didn’t know I was running. That’s partly what’s made it hell. And by this ‘it,’ I mean the last two decades of my life. I just

First published on Quillette The rule of law is the political philosophy that all citizens (including leaders and lawmakers) and institutions are accountable to the same laws. It is fragile today because society is reaching peak fragility. The emotional coddling of a generation, a growing hatred of America and its founding principles, and the advent and infiltration of technology are converging to destabilize the rule of law and its ability to govern public life. This is no

First published by Scuba Diving Magazine Dad and I in Cozumel, Mexico getting ready for a dive I learned to dive with my dad back in 1998. I was 12, and my dad had dreamed of getting certified since his college days. His best friend had opened a dive shop and become a divemaster shortly after their graduation, so he’d had the opportunity, but no time. The economy of the early-mid ’80s was rough on young architects; logging long office hours crowded out any ocean time. When

First published by Mad in America In the 23 years since the Columbine High School massacre, the school shooting in an affluent, formerly unknown suburb of Denver, Colorado (my hometown) that put school shootings on the map, gun laws have become looser and looser despite victims’ efforts for stricter laws. SCOTUS ruled yesterday to continue the expansion of gun rights exactly one month after the Uvalde shooting that claimed 19 lives, most of them elementary school students.

First Published in EQ Iris Dating Even if you didn't watch the Oscars (as I did not), Will Smith smacked Chris Rock and then swore at him at the top of his lungs. Millions of viewers watched live Rock's comment about Smith's wife's shaved head, intended as a joke. Speculation about his actions has been flying around the internet ever since. Speculations regarding Rocks' comment (and what constitutes "joking" and when "joking" is okay, whether he knew about Jada's condition

First published by EQ Iris Dating You're likely familiar with the line in the '90s show Friends where Rachel is furious with Ross for "cheating" on her, and he defends himself by trying to explain that they weren't together at the time of his alleged betrayal. How does it happen that one person can feel cheated on, and the person who was accused of being unfaithful didn't even think they were together at the time? Enter: the murky waters of a "break." People seem to want i

First published by EQ Iris Dating I'm not sure how common it is for others, but I've experienced receiving the "encouragement" your disability doesn't define you" more frequently than is appropriate in the dating world. I've had friends and others who care about me remind me of this as if it's a pep talk before I put myself out there, and honestly, it's getting grating. In part, bringing up disability consistently in this way sort of undermines the very message they seem to

First Published on HealthyRich A week before I turned 30, I went to a new counselor. I’d been to therapy before — when I was in high school and for a brief time after undergrad. I wasn’t sure I’d truly resolved what was holding me back from the life I’d wanted, but I’d at least been able to identify it. And knowledge is half the battle, right? The problem is that more knowledge does not equate to more than half the battle. And, if the battle here is for the life I am excite

First Published in EQ Iris Dating As a latecomer to dating, I wish someone had explicitly told me that people have different goals for their dating life. Of course, it's obvious to me now, but, like the kid who can't see the blackboard at school because she needs glasses but doesn't know that she can't see the blackboard at school (because she needs glasses), you don't know what you don't know! I entered the dating world assuming everyone had the same motives—to find a spou

First published by EQ Iris Dating If you've spent time in the dating world, you've likely heard the advice to "just be happy being single." (Most of the time, it comes from married people, am I right?) The people who offer it are often well-meaning; they see you're single, assume you must be unhappy, and want to help you. In other words, they want to keep you from feeling complicated feelings, which they may or may not have verified with you that you are currently experienc

First published on Mad in America . I used to think therapy could be beneficial if only you went through the trials of finding a good therapist—and by “good,” I mean one that is not only well-trained/well-educated, but one that is a “good fit” for you in particular. There are no easy ways to find such a “fit,” of course; it all has to be trial and error. Poking around on the Internet and making the most of the shockingly little third-party information that’s out there about t

Originally published on EQ Iris Dating You may feel behind. You may feel clueless. You may feel frantic. You may feel like no good people are left because "everyone" is celebrating ten-year anniversaries and welcoming their second or third children. You may feel your concerned family members breathing down your neck when they gently (or not so gently) "check-in" on your love life. You may feel like you have to update your singleness stat, but also hopeless about anything ch